The Denial Dilemma: Confronting Our Mental Blocks in Poker

Okay, you might think I’m exaggerating since I’m only playing microstakes poker. I’m currently in a bankroll challenge, having moved up to 10 NL before dropping back down to 5 NL again. After reviewing the significant hands I lost, I realized it was because I refused to accept that my opponents had beaten me. I dismissed the idea that recreational players could hold the nuts, thinking, “Ah, he’s bluffing with a missed flush draw,” or “He’s just a crazy maniac playing on the weekend.”

Even though these stakes are only 10 NL or 5 NL, and losing a 100bb stack might feel like just the cost of a cup of coffee, it’s important to remember that poker is poker at every level. The mental game is crucial. When reviewing my hands, I often tried to justify my decisions by telling myself, “I was just tilted; I wouldn’t have made that call if I were mentally clear.” However, I recognize this is a significant mental leak that I must address as soon as possible.

Understanding Denial in Poker

You might often hear terms related to this mental leak, such as "Big Pot Attachment," "Sunk Cost Fallacy," and others. While they may have different names, they share a common essence: as a poker player, you often refuse to give up in marginal situations where you know you should fold most of the time. You might think, “This fish always gets to me; he always raises me,” and that frustration can make you feel sick to your stomach.

Denial is a serious mental leak that can significantly harm your bankroll. It manifests as an inability to accept the reality of a situation, even when you know deep down that you should lay down your hand. But why does this happen?

1. Ego and Pride: As players, we often want to believe we make the right decisions. Admitting that we’ve been outplayed can be a blow to our ego. This can lead us to cling to our hands longer than we should, hoping for a miracle rather than acknowledging the truth.
2. Fear of Loss: The fear of losing a pot can be overwhelming. When you’ve invested time, energy, and chips into a hand, it’s natural to want to see it through to the end. This fear can cloud your judgment, making it difficult to fold even when the odds are against you.
3. Cognitive Dissonance: When our beliefs about our skills and the game clash with the reality of a situation, we experience cognitive dissonance. To resolve this discomfort, we might convince ourselves that our opponents are bluffing or are due for a win rather than accepting that we should fold.
4. Emotional Attachment: Sometimes, we emotionally attach to certain hands or situations. This attachment can lead us to ignore the logical reasoning that suggests we should let go. We might think, “I’ve come this far; I can’t back down now,” which only deepens our denial.

Recognizing and addressing denial is crucial for improving our game. By acknowledging this mental leak, we can work on developing a more disciplined approach to your decision-making. Remember, poker is a game of skill, patience, and emotional control. Learning to accept when to fold is just as important as knowing when to bet.

Alright, let's move past all the buzzwords about why we often find ourselves in denial while playing poker. The simple truth is this: we don't fully grasp the concept of variance.

Strategies to Overcome Denial

Denial in poker can be a tough nut to crack, but the first step to overcoming it is understanding variance. Let’s face it: poker is a game of ups and downs. Sometimes you’ll hit the jackpot, and other times you’ll feel like you’re throwing your money into a black hole. The key is to accept that variance is part of the game. When you realize that even the best players experience swings, it becomes easier to let go of those stubborn hands you should have folded.

One way to tackle denial is to keep a poker journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings after each session. This isn’t just about tracking wins and losses; it’s about reflecting on your decisions. When you look back, you might notice patterns in your play, especially in those moments when you clung to a hand out of denial. Seeing your thought process on paper can help you recognize when you’re falling into that trap and remind you to stay grounded.

Practice mindfulness while you play. This might sound a bit cliché, but staying present can really help you make better decisions. When you find yourself in a tough spot, take a deep breath and assess the situation calmly. Ask yourself if you’re holding on to your hand because you genuinely believe it’s the right move or if you’re just trying to prove a point to yourself. Being mindful can help you break the cycle of denial and make more rational choices.

Lastly, embrace the idea of letting go. It’s okay to fold. In fact, folding is often the smartest move you can make. Remind yourself that every hand is a new opportunity. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re tempted to call just because you don’t want to admit defeat, take a step back. Remember that poker is a long-term game, and one hand doesn’t define your skills or your bankroll. By accepting that sometimes you have to let go, you’ll free yourself from the grip of denial and become a more confident player.

The house always wins, right? 

Okay, as you read my previous thoughts, you might be thinking, “Oh great, another long and dull blog about the mental game.” But let’s shift gears and talk about something practical. One of the main reasons poker players fall into denial is that they don’t fully understand variance. So, let’s explore some practical ways to tackle this issue.

Think of yourself as a casino. The house always wins, right? Casinos have a built-in edge in every game they offer, whether it’s blackjack, roulette, or slots. For example, in roulette, the presence of the zero (or double zero) gives the house an advantage over players. This means that while players can win in the short term, the odds are always slightly tilted in favor of the casino. The same principle applies to poker: understanding where the edge lies can help you make better decisions.

To succeed in poker, we need to adopt the mindset of the house. This means playing in situations where we have a significant advantage, rather than engaging in high-variance spots with minimal edges. Instead of chasing after every hand or getting caught up in emotional decisions, we should focus on making choices that maximize our chances of winning over the long run. If we consistently find ourselves in situations where we’re expected to lose, we’re not playing smart—we’re playing foolishly.

In poker, we have the unique ability to choose our spots. We can decide when to enter a hand and when to fold, just like a casino decides which games to offer. So, remember: the house always wins, and you should strive to be the house in your poker game. By understanding variance and making informed decisions, you can position yourself for success and avoid the pitfalls of denial. Embrace the mindset of a savvy player, and watch your game improve!